I BELIEVE IN A BETTER WAY

THIS GIRL

 You might not agree with everything I have done, or tried out, or 

what I write about. 

But, it's my journey & that is the very reason why it interesting. 

WOW, I can't believe I've been writing my blog successfully now for over a year. I can't believe I wrote that (above) back when I was completely mentally out of it. I find what I wrote above may be one of the very most important things I have ever written, and I wanted to re-post that. I also thought this piece of writing is critical to people that just started reading and wanted to get my perspective. 

First of all, a word of caution:

My blog might not be written perfectly, actually I guarantee that it will have mistakes. Sometimes my medication clouds up my thinking, therefore I might confuse you. So, please let me know of any major errors.

My intentions are to create a personal blog that have a range of feelings that you can relate to. You might feel happy, hopeful, curious, sad, educated, excited, perplexed, challenged, and maybe you'll find something that you can share with others and believe in.

I don't want my blog to be a "woe is me" type of journal. I am not a victim, I am a warrior and I'm fighting this war. I hope that you will join in and support me in any way you can, and first you can start by simply reading my blog and sharing it with others. 

People always ask how they can help in other ways. The best thing you can do for me is to pray for strength, healing, and protection. Other simple ways are random phone calls, donations, a visit to my place, maybe a snow cone lol, or a little note that lifts my spirit, sharing your story with me, sharing my story with others who are in the same place that I may be able to help them...and the list could go on and on. This section on giving isn't really about how you can only give to me, it's about how you can give to anyone going through something difficult, and like my mom always says, "Try and Enlighten Two Hearts Today".

FASHION

Cool story... in April I was asked to be a part of this secret project I knew nothing about by my friend Larissa Ness, who I sometimes style and do costume design for. She is an amazing musician and if you haven't heard of her yet, I'm sure you will hear her soon, because she just started performing in a new band called THE MRS.

Larissa texted me like the night before she wanted me to come meet her at the mall, which is not normally like her. When it comes to getting something together for styling, she normally has a very comprehensive picture in her head, and knows what she wants from head to toe. So she was being very vague, very unlike her, so I wasn't really sure what I was coming to help her with. In the end she was the one helping me.

Larissa and her Band The Mrs. put together the theory to the test to see how women feel about themselves in the mirror! And they made a song and a music video called "I'm enough." I actually found this in my dance studio yesterday

2

(which I have been working out to get my strength up for my next surgery... point being, is this epidemic is happening everywhere in Austin, from April until August and I'm sure beyond).

I thought I was going to style Larissa Ness for a film, but instead I was the one being filmed! This tricky/genius experiment put together by The Mrs. (A Fabulous All Girl's Austin Rock Band) Larissa, & Bravo's Flipping Out Star, Jenni Pulos. Jenni, was the Fairy God Mother & voice that tricked me into talking directly to her through an "automated mirror." It's really cool to see her talk to me behind the scenes, in fact I couldn't see her at all (even though we were only a few feet away). It's interesting to see each of the band members, and Jenni's reactions to what I said! I'm featured about 3:20 minutes into this video. This was filmed less than 2 months after my jaw surgery (February '14). Watch the whole thing b/c it's awesome... I literally cried when I saw it! Love you Larissa Ness! Thank you for thinking of me & making me a part of this amazing project. Things like this change the world! 

Continue to spread your good word through your amazing musical talents & huge heart. Larissa You Literally Rock! You are an inspiration to me, and many many more! Let's keep spreading the good word!!!

Love You First

THIS GIRL 

I am inspired by how the truth of the following quote applies to us all:

"It is unfortunate when someone fails us, but it isn't as bad as when we fail ourselves. The minute we make a mistake or fall short, we begin to condemn ourselves. How could we have been so dumb, so inept, so careless? We are victims by our own mouths. It is too easy to make a habit of thinking we are second-rate, not quite equal with others. If we say it enough times, we think it, and it all feeds down into our hearts to surface again when we don't need it. Who can love us if we do not love ourselves? Who will build us up if we are busy tearing us down? Confidence is winning over self–not others. But we have to stir up the gift that is within us, see that we can appreciate all the small things we can do well. We can only be what we give ourselves power to be."

These words are mine and they are true.--- Chief Meninock 
     
From the book "A Cherokee Feast of Days: Daily Meditations" by Joyce Sequichie Hifler 

Click the link above to get this wonderful book at Barnes and Nobles new or used. I checked the prices today and you can buy this book gently used for as low as $1.99 at Barnes and Nobles. It's well worth the couple dollars. 


FASHION 


In case you were wondering, I love CoCo Chanel. My dream yacht was actually hers. I would loved to have purchased it one day when I become a big time fashion designer; however, it was sunk by the real "Wolf on Wall street". Moving on, here is a collage of some of my favorite quotes~

Also, I'm very proud of recently winning the #LashOut competition between all Harper's Bazaar Style Ambassadors from around the U.S. 


Thank you for everyone who supported my most recent photo shoot shown on my previous blog post (it was a little scary because it featured my new jaw). The photo shoot of me from the last post, were the photos for the project I submitted to HARPERS BAZAAR and Physicians Formula (and they have no idea that my jaw isn't real made me feel a little more secure)! Anyways, they liked the photos and said that I had the most creative theme and great social media connections! I am so grateful!

I still can't believe it but I won the #LashOut Challenge!

Here is a pic of the goodies they sent me from NYC!

Featuring my new purse from Aldo Rise, a custom Harpers Bazaar iPhone case, blush, lipstick, bronzer, and a tray of eye shadows from Physicians Formula 

For my fashion lovers out there! Check out my next blog about my summer fashion tricks and tips! I'm will be explaining the ways that I keep my style cool with a low budget!


PAIN

I want to express my struggles, especially my mental struggles. I've always been a little anxious but when I was diagnosed with Chronic Slerosing Osteomyelitis, a whole new level of anxiety came. For about 3 years, I've been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, and it has changed my life in a very bad way. Currently, I'm struggling with anxiety, because I know I have another trip to Miami, a bone graft, and have my mouth wired shut for a month or two. If you've never had an anxiety attack, I will explain what happens to me when I get one. At first I feel like I am overwhelmed, then I feel like I can't breath, I feel scared like a child, I have really negative thoughts like I'm going to die. 

Lot's of people have anxiety with or without a chronic illness, or injury. Read the facts and know that you are not alone!

• Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older (18% of U.S. population).

• Anxiety disorders are highly treatable, yet only about one-third of those suffering receive treatment.

• Anxiety disorders cost the U.S. more than $42 billion a year, almost one-third of the country's $148 billion total mental health bill, according to "The Economic Burden of Anxiety Disorders," a study commissioned by ADAA (The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry,60(7), July 1999).

• More than $22.84 billion of those costs are associated with the repeated use of health care services; people with anxiety disorders seek relief for symptoms that mimic physical illnesses.

• People with an anxiety disorder are three to five times more likely to go to the doctor and six times more likely to be hospitalized for psychiatric disorders than those who do not suffer from anxiety disorders.

• Anxiety disorders develop from a complex set of risk factors, including genetics, brain chemistry, personality, and life events.

I found this info at http://www.adaa.org/about-adaa/press-room/facts-statistics.

I've decided to addressed this anxiety issue with myself and others head on and I chosen to take action. Here are some things I am doing that I suggest you try because they are helping me a lot. When attempting to prevent or stop an anxiety attack, I use oils, try to get a message, do daily meditations, pray, write a journal, talk to a group that has similar issues, and have back up anxiety medication from my doctor just incase of emergency.

My favorite oils are from Aromatherapy Associates my personal favorite is called Support Breathe Essence (just click a click away if you want it too). I was given this as a gift before my 1st major surgery in Miami from a massage therapist at the Viceroy Spa (the massage was a wonderful gift from my mom because she knew I wasn't going to be able to put my face in the massage head rest for the foreseeable future.  I hope I can get a message sometime before my (hopefully final surgery) in August, it is a great way to relax the night before surgery!

However, for people that don't have problems going to get a massage, I would definitely recommend going to get them frequently to ease your anxiety and eliminate toxins. My favorite spa's in Austin are Milk and Honey, and Aziz Spa. I have to give it to my favorite spa on the West Coast in Santa Barbara, California The Bacara Spa, and on the East Coast, in Miami, Florida Viceroy Spa. 

I also do daily meditations with an iPhone app called "Meditations" (Mindvalley Creations Inc.). The app has Morning Purpose and Positivity, Energy Booster, Centering, Alpha Beats, and Good Night meditations all in one App.

Furthermore, I do Hypnosis every night before bed, or if I am in the middle of an anxiety attack. The apps I use are all free as I need to save up to pay off the medical debt and travel expenses from previous surgeries (honestly, even if I had the money, why would I buy them when I can get them for free)– you can always buy an upgrade for a small price, if you want to though. My favorite apps for hypnosis are "End Anxiety" (Surf City Apps LLC.), "Sleep Well" (Surf City Apps LLC.), "Calm" (Calm.com), and "Sleep Like a Baby" (Mindifi).

I pray several times a day, and then at night with my husband. This allows us to get everything off our chests and give everything to our higher power, The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. This is what truly calms me the most. 

Also, I write in a free iPhone app called "Transform Your Life" (Maks and Pasha). It's awesome because it gives you daily assignments like, "Today, look for those moments in which you can trade no for a yes."

Breathing is also very important to me. 

Without shame, I can tell you that I have anxiety medication in case of emergency. I've had roughly three hospital visits from anxiety attacks as a result of developing a rash, turning red, and having the inability to breathe. I've even had an ER doctor order an Epinephrine shot, but he then realized it was an anxiety attack and chose to sedate me instead. Thank God!

Keep this in mind, the medication is my I.C.E. (In Case of Emergency). Personally, if I am in a situation where I'm having an anxiety attack, I will pray first, then I will try all the things I suggested above. However, if I'm having an  all out "mind war", and I can't fight it the noise in my mind, I will take the medication. I keep it on me because, I like knowing it's there if I need it, not because I know I'm going to need it or take it. I try to use all the other options first before I have to take a pill.

Please leave any other suggestions on anxiety below. I know I would benefit from them and so would others.